- Each of us has the power to decide what we say and do.
Strong emotions may lead us to act and react impulsively as if we
had no choice, but we do. Sometimes situations are dictated by outside
controls; though we may not have the power to do everything we want
to do, we certainly have the power to choose what we do with what
we have.
- We are responsible for the outcome of our choices.
We all know people who lay the blame on others. Chronically late-for-work
Susie lost her job because her boss doesn’t like her personally.
Bully Bob got kicked out of school because of a tattletale. Even
when we do not like the choices available to us, even when we are
in the throes of extreme emotion, the power to choose and the responsibility
for the consequences still exist.
The Josephson Institute of Ethics offers this seven-step process
for making better decisions:
- Stop and think. This often requires enormous
self-restraint. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
describes an experiment, which illustrates the value of self-discipline.
After a group of four-year-olds was given a marshmallow, the experimenter
told the children they could eat it once he left the room, but if
they waited until he returned to the room, he would give them another
marshmallow. For fourteen years this group of children was tracked
by psychologists, who found that the ones who chose to resist temptation
were more confident, motivated, better able to cope with frustrations,
and achieved greater academic success. Just as we tell our children
to look both ways before crossing the street, we must look both
ways before making important choices.
- Clarify your goals. What is your short- and long-term
intent? Decisions made under the strain of anger are often intended
to hurt someone. But the short-term triumph of revenge may be hollow
compared to the longer ranging effects. Decisions that fulfill immediate
wants and needs can prevent the achievement of more important goals.
- Determine the facts. Get the information you
need to make an intelligent choice, being mindful that hearsay and
assumptions are not the same as facts. Seek information from those
whose judgment and character you respect.
- Develop options. People often feel they have
no choice in a matter, but that is an illusion. Maybe what you must
do or say is clear, but how you go about doing or saying it is not.
Make a list of every option available to you.
- Consider the consequences of each option. Filter
your choices through your personal ethical guidelines. Does it involve
lying, breaking a promise or breaking the law, disrespect, irresponsibility,
unkindness, or unfairness? Eliminate the options that violate your
ethics.
- Choose. If the best choice is not immediately
clear, seek advice from people you respect. Think about the wisest
person you know and what he or she would do in the same situation.
Ask yourself if you would be comfortable if everyone knew about
your decision.
- Monitor and modify. In spite of good intentions,
we will make bad decisions. Some of the greatest lessons in life
are learned this way; the greatest tragedy is in not learning to
recognize or learn from bad choices, in making the same choices
over and over and expecting different results.
American author George Eliot said, “The strongest principle
of growth lies in human choice.” Learning to assume the power
of making our own choices and the responsibility for the consequences
is a quantum leap toward personal growth. The quality of our lives
is a direct result of the quality of our choices.
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